


Perfect Dark

by daffodil_damask



Series: Perfect Blue [1]
Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Existential Angst, Existential Smut, Existentialism, F/M, Hero Dilemma, Hero Worship, Introspection, M/M, Multi, Romance, Smut, it needs its own tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-24 07:46:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30068967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daffodil_damask/pseuds/daffodil_damask
Summary: That thought had gotten bigger and bigger, more and more enormous. It had begun first to whisper, then to scream with unprecedented force and viciousness, until it became so big and powerful that it broke through the small room.And then Sonic felt the need to run, to run faster than sound, and only then, only when he was going so fast that he could unleash a hurricane, that he could almost dematerialize and become wind, then the screaming stopped.Run, run.Said a voice inside him."Shut up, shut up."He replied.
Relationships: Amy Rose & Sonic the Hedgehog, Amy Rose/Sonic the Hedgehog, Shadow the Hedgehog & Sonic the Hedgehog, Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog
Series: Perfect Blue [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2217330





	Perfect Dark

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Perfect Dark [ITA]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/30068769) by [daffodil_damask](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daffodil_damask/pseuds/daffodil_damask). 



> A story written by someone very dear to me, for whom I only acted as a beta reader. It made me think and affected me so much that I wanted to share it, after asking their permission of course.
> 
> Some small important notes: the characters are humanized, the actual sex is present in only one of the chapters, the changes of perspective are marked by the separation of paragraphs, some elements have been taken from the Sonic Boom cartoon (like the transceiver watch or Sonic's bandana).
> 
> I hope you enjoy it at least as much as I did.

It was a cool March evening. It was one of those spring evenings with dry air, perfect weather and clear skies, the kind of sky where you could even see the least bright stars and that made even the most beautiful summer night envious.

On the coast, pitch-black waves broke on the sand, erasing the few remaining drawings of the children. Aided by the wind, they moved the sand and filled in the footprints, now hours old, left by passers-by. Or at least, almost all of them, because one person was still there, on the beach, even though it was now past midnight.

Sonic was _walking_ , a fair distance from the shore, kicking shells as he found them in the path. "Groan... " he huffed. _What was I thinking, going for a run after dinner? Now I've gone too far and gotten lost._

He ran a hand over his face, his expression irritated and annoyed. Sonic had the need and the almost perpetual desire to run, but he was also very lazy and just the thought of having come so far who knows where and then having to go back made him lose the desire to get back on the road.

He could always have slept on the beach; it wasn't that bad. But what if Eggman had appeared and taken him by surprise? All it would have taken was one well-aimed blow and he would have passed out and then _bam_ , off into the water and game over. ...No, on second thought sleeping there would not have been a good idea.

Yet, there was something pushing him to stay in that place, to walk watching the sea and enjoying the smell of saltiness that by now had impregnated even his clothes. He turned his head towards the ocean, feeling almost intimidated. It was incredible how that blue expanse at night seemed to be the same darkness, a black mass with no way out, where falling into it was equivalent to death.

It looked like an expanse of petroleum.

Sonic swallowed, then squinted for a few seconds. The wind caressed his clothes, his skin, his hair, an old friend who never left him, his closest companion. Never, never would the wind betray him. It would always be by his side, in any situation, no matter what.

At that point, the blue-haired boy turned his emerald eyes towards the horizon. There, beyond the clouds, beyond that line that connects the sky with the sea, although at that moment Sonic could only imagine it, since ocean and sky seemed to be one at night.

If anyone had seen him from the outside, they would have known that Sonic was looking beyond that imaginary line. He was looking at ancient unknown kingdoms, distant mountains high to the sky, celestial kingdoms, leaves made of stars carried by astral breezes to the edge of the universe. Many times, he had thought about what it would be like to overcome his fear of water, to run as fast as he could and cross the sea (he recalled that a well-known character in a famous book Knuckles had once shown him had done such a thing), until he reached that limit, that line that no one had ever reached.

Who knows what it would have been like to _cross that line_. Maybe he would have been released into the sky, maybe he would have morphed into wind. How many times had he fantasized, dreamed of running so fast as to disappear, of hovering in the sky to become the morning breeze or the north wind or that strong wind typical of storms, so dangerous as to create hurricanes and tornadoes.

He would have been free.

Free as the wind.

Sonic shook his head and ran a hand over his face. What kind of mental trips was he taking at a time like that? He was already free, unencumbered, happy. Yes, of course, there was that tiny responsibility on his shoulders that went by the name of _protecting the world_ , which he had to save two to ten times a year, if not a month (depending on how much Eggman wanted to build new robots), but otherwise Sonic didn't have much responsibility in his life. In fact, he could disappear for hours, days and no one would worry about him.

And yet, there was always something, something mysterious and unknown that always pushed him to think of going further, of overcoming an imposed limit, of abandoning everything he had to soar into the sky, traveling along with the wind. How beautiful it was to fly in the sky in its Super form, feeling the air currents inebriate his senses, his hair twirl because of them, his eyes tear up. They were sensations that lasted only a few moments, dulled by the responsibility of defeating a powerful enemy, yet they had never left Sonic's mind. Since he was a child, they had always remained in a hidden corner of his brain, he had hidden them well, in the most hidden chamber of the cerebral cortex. _Come on, Sonic, what are you thinking about? Concentrate,_ he told himself.

This had worked until he turned fifteen. Since then, something inside him had clicked. Now that he was in his twenties, the thought had gotten bigger and bigger, more and more enormous. It had begun to whisper, then to scream with unprecedented force and malice, until it became so big and powerful that it broke through that small room.

Sometimes he would stop screaming, but when he started, he would rarely stop after a short time. And then Sonic would feel the need to run, run faster than the sound, as he used to do, and only then, only at that point, when he was going so fast that he could unleash a hurricane, that he could almost dematerialize and become wind, then that screaming would stop.

Something in Sonic's mind clicked. It was for that reason that he was now there, on the beach, far from his home. It was only then that he noticed it. Only now did he realize the presence of that cry in his head, that cry that had always been there.

The boy sat down on the beach, feeling his head get heavy. _Damn, what's wrong with me tonight?_ he thought, smiling bitterly. _I think you're tired, Sonic. You're rambling. Since when are you so melodramatic?_  
He tried to lighten the tension, think of something else, avoid those thoughts. Because if there was one other thing he was used to doing, it was avoiding speeches, deflecting thoughts, chasing away his own emotions.

Too many limits, too many constraints, he often thought. Some things were better avoided if you didn't want trouble. In this, for which he deserved credit, he was incredibly skillful and fast. In fact, he had an almost superfine intuition, like the sommelier who can feel the slightest sour tone in the most full-bodied wine on his tongue, so Sonic could sense when the atmosphere or the situation began to take a turn too sentimental and dangerous. At that point he would vanish, a quick summer breeze. And so, he did the same with his own thoughts and emotions.

Because being a hero means that too. A hero cannot have weaknesses, blemishes, dark thoughts, a dark side of himself. A hero must always be perfect, beautiful, happy, _pure_. Things like feelings didn't suit a savior, they were dangerous temptations, obstacles, and if there were any, facing them might not have been the right choice, because there is a risk of getting caught up in them and no way out. _Avoiding them_ was much better, much easier, and most importantly, quicker. How ironic.

Saying these things to Sonic was useless, he would have certainly replied " _Problems? I don't have problems!_ " to which he would have added his usual wink and mocking smile.

Yet, something was pushing him toward that horizon, toward those distant lands free and without borders.

Being a hero was heavy at times.

Really heavy.

Maybe it would have been enough to get away a little. Just a few miles.

He would leave his friends behind, leaving everything behind, sure, but it would only be for a few hours, a few days, maybe just a month. But it would have been so beautiful, to have the freedom to lighten all that weight, carried by the wind. But, under one's feet, there would have been the sea. That deep sea, that dark ocean, unlimited as well. And yet, and yet Sonic was so afraid of that boundless sea, so terrified of it that he dared not even approach it. No, avoiding it was much easier and much faster.

Then again, disappearing like that would only make him feel guilty. How could he even think of abandoning his closest friends on his own personal whim? No, he couldn't do that. He was the hero, and he would remain the hero. So, standing up, Sonic decided to bury, again, those feelings in the hidden abyss of his heart and suppress again in the now broken room of his brain that voice that had once again begun to whisper to him.

 _Run, run_.

She spoke.

"Shut up, shut up."

He replied.

He huffed a second time, kicked a shell, which he took back in his hand, and then threw it into the sea; it disappeared in that expanse of oil. Sonic shuddered, then turned around, intending to go back (or at least try to).

Then, an explosion and a scream. It was a voice Sonic knew all too well.

He turned around and saw a light coming from the grove not far from the coast. Without hesitation, he ran to where he had heard the sound. What he saw did not surprise him: in the middle of the grove, the explosion had razed the nearby trees to the ground, those further away had been bent by the force of the impact and the grass was completely burnt. A kind of clearing had been created.

Then, in the center, was _he_. "Shadow?" He called out to him, staying at arm's length.

The black-haired boy stood still, stiffening. _Him_? That damned man? What was he doing there at that time of night? Why was he always following him? Couldn't have come at a worse time.

Shadow didn't answer, didn't even look at him: he already had enough.

"What's going on? What are you doing?" The blue-haired boy's tone sounded concerned.

Shadow didn't care. He picked up the ring and put it back on his wrist, again without answering.

Sonic insisted. "That's rude, Shad. You know it's good manners to answer questions?" This time he was provoking him.

Shadow turned a hateful look on him. "Go away, _Faker_ , what I do here is none of your business."

Sonic stretched out his face and smiled mockingly, looking almost pleased. "Wow, I see we're in a good mood tonight." In a moment he was next to him. "You're not nice at all. You should be nicer to me after more than five years of dating. Ours is a complicated relationship."

The black-haired boy thinned his eyes. "I said _go away_." Without hesitation, he hurled an uppercut straight at Sonic's chin, but it went wide.

"Woah, woah!" The boy reappeared behind Shadow. He was incredibly fast, and Shadow was in no condition to fight, but he wasn't going to give in. "What a great welcoming committee! You didn't have to!" Sonic teased him. "Some things never change, Shad."

Shadow turned and tried to throw another kick at him but missed the target once again.

Low shot.

He couldn't miss twice in a row, couldn't make such a humiliating impression right in front of _him_.

Sonic, on the other hand, had moved to his side, but abandoned his initial intention to hit him in turn. Why was he so damn slow that night? Sure, he'd used the power of Chaos a moment ago, but he hadn't used it to its full extent; it was strange that he was so tired without having used probably half of his power. No, there had to be more to it than that.

And then Sonic saw it. As soon as he missed the target and Shadow's leg hit the ground again, he gave _that look_. The look of someone who has missed the target but doesn't understand why because he was sure to hit. He was disoriented. He couldn't follow his movements. And it was strange, because Shadow had always managed to keep up with him, even foreseeing in which way he would attack him, instead there he was, frightened as a child who has lost his mother.

But if Shadow's reflexes were slow, his brain was very fast. As soon as his eyes met the boy's green ones, a deep anger snapped inside him. How could he allow himself to look at him like that, as if he were an old man close to death? He wouldn't let him do it. He gritted his teeth and, perhaps out of anger, punched him in the stomach so fast that even Sonic couldn't see it.

"Agh... " Sonic's eyes widened and he ended up on the floor, coughing, even spitting out a few drops of blood. He put his hand to his chest: he couldn't breathe.

Shadow reached him and looked down at him. "Go away, last warning."

Sonic would have expected a scornful grin from him, but instead he saw only anger in Shadow's eyes. Anger and sadness. A lot of sadness.

"Eh..." Sonic chuckled, panting from the blow he'd taken and trying to get back on his feet. "You never fail, Shad. Your greetings are always the most loving." He spat blood on the ground.

"Are you still in the mood for a joke? " Shadow's expression grew harder.

Sonic looked at him and shook his head. He became more serious. "I don't want to fight you, Shadow. I didn't join you for this."

"You didn't have to join me at all." Shadow moved behind him and tried to kick him in the back of the head, but Sonic noticed in time and avoided it, moving away a couple of meters.

"You said next time we would fight on your terms. And those would be?" chuckled the younger man. "I'm a little disappointed."

Shadow stiffened. How dare he mock him like that? He lashed out at him, his gaze on fire, eyes that only a beast ready to maul its victim could have.

But this time, too, the beast was too slow. Shadow had to lean against a tree, because not only was he in danger of losing his balance, but he also felt his strength leave him. He was panting, sweating, and felt his head burst. "Gh..." He put his hand on his forehead: it was hot, perhaps instead of droplets of sweat there were now streams of burning lava.

 _Shadow._ In his mind the image of Maria appeared in a glow, only to fade away. "Enough..."

Meanwhile, Sonic watched that scene from afar, unable to even get close. Shadow was in pain, something was eating away at his soul and killing him. It wasn't a matter of that night, Sonic had always suspected it, and in that moment that hypothesis proved truer than ever.

He didn't know how or why, but there was something strange about their battles, an indissoluble thread that bound them together, that allowed them to understand each other without speaking. They both knew why: they knew no other way to communicate than that. Sonic, since his childhood used to be a hero, found his way to express himself only with adventures and dangerous battles, while Shadow, raised to become a weapon of destruction, had found in anger his main source of nourishment.

Sonic remained distant, not knowing what to do. He sincerely wanted to help him, he no more had the slightest intention of teasing him, but he didn't know how to make him understand. He could not, because if he had tried Shadow would have attacked him, interpreting the gesture as a too great of a humiliation. Shadow would never talk to him, never tell him what was eating him; Sonic would have to wait for trust but Shadow would probably die before that moment, destroyed by the very fury that was causing him so much agony. Perhaps Sonic would have witnessed his death, holding him in his arms, unable to say anything as he did at that moment. No, he did not want and could not lose him like that.

However, Shadow didn't seem to agree. He could see that there was something strange about Sonic's fighting that night, and it didn't take him but a moment to realize it: he wasn't hitting, he was merely dodging blows. Of course, he was noticing his own fatigue and was holding back from fighting. Shadow gritted his teeth so hard he heard them creak. How dare he subject him to such teasing? Did he think he wouldn't be able to fight just because he was out of breath? He wasn't going to take that. He looked up and... no, he couldn't believe it. That look, that damn look of Sonic's wasn't mockery or contempt. It was _pity_. Pure and simple pity. "Stop it," he growled.

"Huh?" Sonic looked surprised but took a step back: he sensed the danger, but the look hadn't changed.

"Stop looking at me," Shadow whispered, his voice trembling and full of hate. "Stop looking at me like that!"

This time also he was as fast as the wind. This time Sonic was unable to react and before he could realize it his back was against the trunk of the nearest palm tree and Shadow's hand was at his neck.

"Stop looking at me like that! I don't need your pity!" Shadow's voice had grown even darker, deeper, as if coming from the depths of the abyss. It was making Sonic's chest shake, taking his breath away. "S-Shad... Stop..." His face grew redder and redder, but he didn't look away for a second.

Shadow's tone hardened even more. Those damn green eyes wouldn't stop tormenting him. "I said _stop it_ ," and he tightened his grip on his throat even more. Sonic struggled, tried to shrug it off, put his own hands on Shadow's to try to get them off, his face red, his eyes bright. But he didn't stop looking at him for a second.

"Do you want to die, maybe?" Shadow tightened his grip even more. It didn't matter, he would have taken care of turning off those bright irises, closing those eyelids and making those eyes disappear forever from the face of the earth. Maybe then that look would stop tormenting him.

That pity, that compassion, the same in Maria's eyes before she lowered that damned lever. Pity present in the eyes that only those who are pure could have, purity that Shadow did not possess. How could he, how could he allow himself, that insolent boy, who didn't know death, who did not know what it meant to love someone with all one's being and then lose them forever, to have the same look of his beloved Maria? How could he, so arrogant, allow himself to remind him of the only person he had ever loved?

"Shadow, why... Let me..." wheezed Sonic, feeling his head getting heavier and heavier. He felt Shadow's hand trembling and tried to take the opportunity to free himself, but he couldn't: his grip was too strong anyway. However, there was something in the other man's gaze that was different, something sad. It was as if Shadow were not doing it for his own will, for that healthy (if you could call it that) murderous instinct that often led them to fight, but he seemed to act for another reason, something higher, arcane and that only he could know. Maybe that was what was making him suffer so much. "You don't...have to do this...." he gasped.

It was at that moment that Shadow, in front of him, saw her. It was only a moment, a blink of an eye, of butterfly wings, but he saw her.

_Shadow, you don't have to do this._

And he hesitated for a moment, about to let go, to let her go, but Maria's face vanished, leaving room for Sonic's pitying gaze. Shadow could see no more.

Not only was Sonic continuing to watch him, but he wasn't even blinking. He wasn't giving him a moment to breathe and they both knew why; they could tell by looking at each other. Sonic felt a certain satisfaction, a kind of sadistic pride, to see that Shadow was a victim, a slave to his own eyes. He had him in his own hands, even though Shadow was the one who seemingly had the advantage. Sonic was the one with his hands around his neck, yet Shadow was the one choking.

Then Shadow certainly saw that side Sonic was trying so hard to suppress. Sonic would never want Shadow dead, no matter what, but seeing him like this, almost begging for even the blink of an eye, certainly made him feel all-powerful. It didn't matter how much Sonic tried to ignore it or hide it, because it was there and it was stronger than ever; it was dangerous, it was an unhealthy, terrifying, deadly emotion. But if it had been a sea, oh, maybe he would have dived into it, swum right into it, because never, ever before, had Shadow the Hedgehog, the Ultimate Life Form, found himself in such difficulty facing it. It was a wonderful feeling, persuasively voiced, too beautiful, too sweet.

"I told you to stop." Shadow slammed Sonic to the ground, who squinted and was forced to close his eyes only then, as the blow to his back elicited a groan and a grimace of pain. "Last warning," and he put the gun to his head. If he dared open his eyes, even a millimeter, it would open his skull. He couldn't bear the sight of those eyes, even if it meant gouging them out and torturing him with pain.

Shadow tightened his hand on Sonic's neck more, but his wrist was shaking and, even though he tried not to, the grip was weaker than before. He was cracking up. He could hear the gunshots, the screams, Maria's voice in his head. And again, those irises. He was distracted, and Sonic opened his eyes again. "You...!"

But he couldn't pull the trigger. That look, his pity, was piercing him, he felt himself bleeding. "Enough..." Shadow whispered, trying to tighten his fingers, his hand shaking more and more, his gaze growing pained. His drops of sweat fell on Sonic's face: for a moment it seemed to corrode his skin. Still, Shadow saw the image of Maria in front of him: she was crying, looking at him desperate, disappointed. "No, no, I..."

Sonic didn't move, petrified. Shadow didn't seem to be himself and making any move would set him off, but at the same time he couldn't help but feel bad for him. He was less than a foot away, above himself, and he couldn't help him. There was nothing he could do. The feeling of omnipotence from before was replaced by frustration.

Meanwhile, Shadow seemed to regain a modicum of lucidity, but the anger was still vivid within him. He dropped the gun, put his other hand on Sonic's neck, and squeezed as hard as he could. "Stop doing that. Leave me alone, just go away. I hate you." His voice trembled, "I've always hated you."

Those words flickered darkly in Sonic's soul. He felt himself sinking into a bottomless black abyss, with no hope of rising again. It was like being caught in a sea of petroleum. So, there was no hope? Was this really all there was to Shadow?

With what little strength he had left, he turned to Shadow with a smile, his eyes bright, a tear streaming down his face from the effort. "I...no..." A trickle of voice escaped his lips. "I don't...hate you, Shad..."

Again, Shadow saw Maria's face. No, no, how could he hurt her? Her? He immediately removed his hands from Sonic's throat, as if shocked, distraught. "No, no, I'm sorry, I..."

Sonic coughed, put his hand on his throat and took a few deep breaths to try to recover, close to passing out. Shadow didn't seem lucid, he was delirious and could have done some serious damage, especially considering the explosion just before; but he was still, looking forward, his eyes wide. He looked frightened.

And indeed, he was, because Shadow felt two eyes behind him. A look of pity and compassion, but also of disappointment. He turned slowly and saw two glimmers in the trees not far away. "Mar-! " his voice cut off and he slumped to the ground.

"Shadow? Shadow!" He heard Sonic's voice, meanwhile overlapping, joining, morphing into Maria's. _Shadow? Shadow!_

Then, darkness.

Sonic quickly caught up with Shadow, intent on examining his condition, worried that he might have some sort of injury. He looked for a pulse, his breathing, and checked his body, but fortunately he seemed only unconscious. He turned his head in the direction Shadow had looked before he lost consciousness, but among the branches and thick palm leaves Sonic saw no one.


End file.
